I did it for the Oscars, and considering I watch A LOT more TV… I thought “Hey, let’s live blog the Emmys.”

I’m thinking I’ll be a lot more pissed off about the results this year — Modern Family, I’m looking at you…

7:46 PM – Red carpet is boring. Always boring. They talked to Jon Hamm and didn’t mention his amazing, ahem, endowments? For shame.

7:51 PM – Very torn about the Best Drama category…Mad Men, Game of Thrones, and Breaking Bad are all worthy shows and each are superior in their own ways. But with three to choose from, it’s hopefully going to be harder to be disappointed…

7:55 PM – TV’s sexiest man ISN’T Regis? This poll was totally rigged…

8:00 PM – OK Kimmel. Entertain me.

8:01 PM – And that is why I love Lena Dunham.

8:02 PM – Great call back to that utter failure with the reality show hosts as the Emmy hosts. God what a mess that was.

8:04 PM – Kimmel’s looking svelte.

8:06 PM – That’s right. EVERYONE loves Lena Dunham because she’s got talent. Not just because she is happy to show up naked. Everywhere.

8:08 PM – Thank you Year in Comedy for recognizing Happy Endings. And the Live Episode of 30 Rock.

8:11 PM – Amy Poehler and Louis C.K. If she can’t be with Will Arnett, I’ll be ok with this.

8:12 PM – Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series….is….Eric Stonestreet. Meh. I love him, I do. But c’mon. This was a terrible season and Max Greenfield MADE New Girl into the hit it is. And really, Bill Hader’s Stefon is just plain genius.

8:17 PM – Dancing with the Star All Stars…a show I’m happy that I don’t watch.

8:18 PM – Yes, New Girl and Sheldon are both very white.

8:19 PM – Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series…is…Louis C.K. Damned straight it does. He looks tired though. Thanks FX which he should because they let him do whatever the hell he wants. Which is why the show is so brilliant. I’m delighted with this.

8:22 PM – Is Aaron Paul wearing a brown suit? But the old tyme Breaking Bad show is pretty fab. You tell Don Knotts, Heisenberg! “Brought to you by Meth” That’s super.

8:25 PM – Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy…is…Julie Bowen. Really? REALLY EMMY? I’m getting tired of this Modern Family worship when you have amazing performances like Meritt Weaver in Nurse Jackie, the one character who pretty much is always in a comedy on that show. Again, I don’t mind the cast of MF but it’s not the brilliant comedy it once was, and just proves once again how the Emmy get stuck in the past and refuse to see the future. Glad Bowen can get a laugh out of “nipple covers”, huh?

8:30 PM – Just noticed the photos of the presenters when they walk out. Nice and awkward.  Matthew Perry looks tired and dare I say it…on something?

8:33 PM – Kathy Bates and Jimmy Fallon presenting for Best Comedy Directing. It’s all about Jews and Louis C.K. huh? The winner is Steve Levitan. I cry shenanigans. CK’s direction on the duckling episode of Louis was fabulous and Lena Dunham’s control over the pilot was just great. Emmys – I’m putting you on watch.

8:36 PM – Little girls are all evil. I’d love me some Chang on Modern Family.

8:37 PM – Outstanding Actor in a Comedy…is…JON CRYER??? JON CRYER??? Is this his prize for putting up with Charlie Sheen for so long? Melissa McCarthy’s intro is the only redeeming thing about this. Even Jon Cryer himself knows that this is a farce. Cryer over Louis? Cryer over Sheldon? Heck, Cryer over Larry David? I’m just done here. Yes, it IS crazy.

8:44 PM – Colbert presenting Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. He loves women. Some of them. Because it’s true some of them are just plain awful. And the winner is…Julia Louis Dreyfus. That was pretty much a given, no? But luckily she’s great in Veep. And is a great comic actress in general. AND giving Amy Poehler a little thing to do? Love it. And love her.

8:49 PM – The Year in Reality. Did it really deserve a montage? Especially when the right show/host will never win? Though it’s nice to see all Housewives and their plastic faces paraded so publicly.

8:52 PM – Outstanding Reality Competition Program winner is…The Amazing Race. YAWN. Did anyone see Melanie on So You Think You Can Dance? Really, did you see her? She’s brilliant. There were gorgeous routines. And it requires true talent. Again,  what an absolute crock of BS this year.

8:53 PM – It’s been almost an hour and I’m mostly just pissed off. I don’t know why I expect the Emmys to reward good television. Maybe because they recognize it enough to nominate it, but beyond giving the actors and the programs just the barest of nods of recognition, it’s all pomp to celebrate the same thing year in and year out. We are living in a golden age of television. Why not really celebrate that and not Two and a Half Men or another comedy who has lost its sheen and is now just a pat sitcom? It makes me sad.

8:57 PM – Big Bang Theory introduces the accountants. Do we call that stereotyping?

8:58 PM – There have been sound problems ALL show. Though let’s blame Seth Macfarlane for this one. I enjoy him taking down reality TV. Outstanding Reality Show Host is…never Cat Deeley. Oh fine, it’s Tom Bergeron. As I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars, I have no real opinion on his win. But I will always root for Cat who takes hosting a reality competition show and gives that role a sense of compassion and class.

9:01 PM – The Year in Drama. Aka the Year in Downton Abbey, huh? I’ll put Walter White or Tyrion Lannister against the Dowager Countess any day.

9:04 PM – A very pregnant Claire Danes presents Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama, which is…Aaron Paul! YES! Finally! An award I can absolutely get behind. His portrayal of Jesse is so painful and honest, he deserves this without reservation. And he gave Gus Fring a solid, solid hug. This was a category where anyone could have won and I’d be happy, but I’m really happy for this one.

9:13 PM – Tracy Morgan, in a very ill-fitting suit, is quite game.

9:14 PM – Gosh I love Connie Britton. Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series. They’re just as funny as the comedy writers. God bless them for doing this and debasing themselves. Winner is…Homeland. To take it away from Mad Men it has to be pretty darned good, and yeah, the writing for Homeland was just that. Pretty pretty darned good. Showtime becomes legit here.

9:17 PM – Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series is…Maggie Smith. Of course.    One must always honor the Chicken Lady. But seriously? Christine Baranski, Anna Gunn, Archie Punjabi were all better. Sorry Chicken Lady, but it’s true.

Also, why the constant reminding that Jon Hamm has never won an Emmy? Unless he actually wins this is just cruel taunting by the Academy. Jon deserves better than this.

9:22 PM – That Tracy Morgan bit was just stoopid in the end. Thankfully after that we get Gus Fring. Ahhhh.

9:24 PM – Martha Plympton can really do it all. Though not sure about her dress. Directing in a Drama Series also gets the comedic treatment. Yes. EVERYTHING is a comedy. Emmy goes to Tim Van Patten for Boardwalk Empire.

9:25 PM – In Memoriam with Josh Groban singing about….Jimmy Kimmel?? Yes, he had quite a strange road to this show. I remember him from his days on KROQ with Kevin and Bean. That was just real strange there folks.

9:27 PM – Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series given out by Julianna Margulies in quite a weird dress. Winner is…Damien Lewis. Cuz he’s awesome as Brody and does a flawless American accent. And he is properly funny and super talented. But let’s stop with those Jon Hamm Emmy jokes now, k?

9:36 PM – Tina Fey and Jon Hamm together again. If only he had his hook hands… Tina is funny. The actresses are getting more time to showcase their talent, interesting. Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series is Claire Danes for Homeland. Not a surprise and not at all undeserved. Carrie is totally messed up character that Danes sells like no one’s business. “Mandy Patinkin holla.” I stalked him once a decade ago when I was drunk. True story.

Showtime has just won the top 2 drama acting Emmys. HBO must be a little nervous now.

9:40 PM – The Year in Variety. Awards shows honoring awards shows. And Neil de Grasse Tyson on the Daily Show. But I don’t need to see Beyonce rub her bump again.

9:42 PM – Aziz Ansari is adorable, even with a terrible British accent. The girl from Suburgatory follows suit. Outstanding Writing for a Variety, Music, or Comedy Special…Louis C.K. Huzzah. Second Emmy for Louis tonight!

9:50 PM – Here comes Ricky Gervais. They’ve given him Outstanding Directing for a Variety Special. Put him in his place a bit, eh? And here’s the usual award for an award show…barring CK of course who can totally school Gervais. Tonys director won. Tonys are a decent show. Not Louis C.K. good, but good.

9:54 PM – Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Special – The Daily Show has won for the past 10 years or so…will they win again? Yes. Yes they Will. Love the image of Jon, Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert wrestling each other down to the ground. That is comedy. Jon recognizes all the other shows and how great they are and you believe him and know that he’s not just giving them a bs nod. He uses the word “ephemeral” in his  speech. And then said that when aliens visit in the future when the Earth is just a burned out husk, they’ll find all the Daily Show Emmys and know just how predictable these fucking things are. Ah Jon. I love you so hard.

10:00 PM – Emmy’s second hour was less painful than its first. However, I think it’s going to take me some real television love to make it through the next hour. This is getting … tiresome. Never thought I’d say that about TV.

10:03 PM – The Year in Miniseries or Movie. Ok, this getting ridiculous. Especially because they will never honor Sherlock like it needs honoring.

10:05 PM – Steve Buscemi starts with “Yay Tim Van Patten” and presents Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Mini Series or Movie. He’s still so strange looking sometimes. Jessica Lange for American Horror Story. She was so so creepy and still tragic in this show. It’s a show. Not a mini series no matter what Ryan Murphy says.

10:13 PM – Kerry Washington presents the Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Mini Series or Movie. For some reason. Tom Berenger for Hatfields and McCoys. Berenger looks like he’s made of plastic. WTF? So Hatfields and McCoys –  Didn’t watch that. Should I have? Ehhhh. Probably not. I do wish Martin Freeman had won though. Tim for the win!

10:17 PM – And now little Ronnie Howard gives tribute to Matlock. And the other In Memoriam clips…to “Memories”. So treacly. Aw Davy Jones! Phyllis Diller’s laugh was art in and of itself. Gosh I forgot about Celeste Holm. Two of the Sweathogs! Patrice. Ben Gazzara. Mrs. Landingham. Marty. And a great close with Harry Morgan and Dick Clark.

10:26 PM – Lucy Liu and Kiefer Sutherland? Odd pairing. Outstanding Writing for a Mini Series or Movie goes to… (god I want Moffat to win!) But Danny Strong winning for Game Change is a nice second. Paris would be so proud (Gilmore Girls for the win!)

10:28 PM –  Lead Actress in a Mini Series or Movie is…Julianne Moore. That was a very risky thing she did with her Sarah Palin. She captured Palin without becoming Tina Fey. And as she pointed out, Palin herself gave her a thumbs down. Moore is gorgeous in a way Palin can only dream of. Though not sure if this is 100% the BEST performance in the bunch. But as it doesn’t have me foaming at the mouth the way Jon Cryer’s win did, I’m cool.

10:35 PM – Ginnifer Goodwin and Emily van Camp presenting Outstanding Directing in a Mini Series of Movie. Ok. Jay Roach won for Game Change. Again, good but maybe Hollywood is just voting to show their utter disdain for Palin and the Republican party? Roach then kisses HBO’s butt. And I forgot Tom Hank’s Playtone Pictures produced this.

And Outstanding Lead Actor in a Mini Series of Movie…and Cumberbatch and Elba are both there! But lose out to Kevin Costner. Meh. Sorry. Meh. I am sure Costner was fabulous, but you snubbed two of my favorite Brits there, Waterworld!

10:45 PM – Outstanding Mini Series or Movie. Game Change wins over Sherlock. Annoyed. Not pissed off, but very very annoyed. Did it win just to they could get Tom Hanks and his ‘stache on stage? Did no one SEE Sherlock?

10:47 PM – Julianne Moore presenting Outstanding Drama Series. K. I guess that works. There’s really no real dud in this category. Emmy goes to Homeland which breaks Mad Men‘s sweep. Wowie wow wow. Showtime is a real player in original television programming after this. HUGE win for them. And a real snub for Mad Men this year. Did they get anything…?

10:50 PM – Holy hell. Only one award left. The Emmys will actually end on time. Possibly because they aren’t cracking wise about the show going long. Oscars, take note.

I also just realized that Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones got pretty shafted too. True Aaron Paul won, but overall these shows, the real workhorses of television drama that help make TV worth watching these days got nada. Oh sure, Game of Thrones cleaned up in the tech awards, but nothing tonight. Would love to be a fly on the wall in some of those HBO, FX, and AMC meetings tomorrow…

10:55 PM – Everyone’s least favorite person, Michael J. Fox presents Outstanding Comedy Series. Yes, that standing ovation proves how disliked he really is. If Modern Family wins, I’m so so through with it all.

AND I’m clearly so so through with it all. Modern Family wins best comedy. There is no laughter in the television world tonight. I remember being delighted when it won the first year. Second year, I was mildly amused. Now, just over it.

Parks and Rec wuz robbed. Nuff said.

And that concludes my coverage of the 64th annual Emmy awards. Mostly wrong or just misguided. Some proper wins. And Kimmel did no harm, but didn’t really liven things up all that much either. Give me Fallon next year. Or just let Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert co-host and give this girl what she really wants!