Will Seth Macfarlane slip into Stewie when he gets nervous? Will we get another awkward In Memoriam where people clap BEFORE the end? Will we get an real upset with any of the “given” awards (looking at you Hathaway)?

Find out here in less than 10 minutes…

8:30 – Out walks Seth Macfarlane, who opens with a Tommy Lee Jones joke. Goodbye Grumpy cat!

8:34 – So far so good Macfarlane. And don’t worry, I appreciated your Robin Williams reference “It’s not your fault Ben”.

8:35 – SHATNER!! Yes! Always better with Shatner.

8:38 – We saw your boobs. Can this be the new Oscar anthem? Please?

8:40 – Seth Macfarlane has a great voice. And Channing Tatum is better when stripping.

8:44 – Am I wrong to enjoy the Flying Nun bit? Yes? Oh. Sorry. (It’s still funny)

8:48 – Best Supporting Actor, presented by Octavia Spencer (won for The Help) goes to…Christoph Waltz! Whoa. So so happy about this. Waltz seems a bit in shock – he was never really considered to be a front runner having won so recently for Inglorious Basterds. Waltz gives great tribute to Tarantino; without him Django would have been a documentary by the KKK.

8:56 – Two of my favorites, Melissa McCarthy and Paul Rudd. Not sure what they’re doing but I love them anyway.

8:57 – Best Animated Short goes to Paperman.  Yes, it’s Disney but it was so well done and so sweet, I begrudge them nothing for this one.

8:59 – Best Animated Film goes to (please let it be Wreck It Ralph…) meh. Brave. Even wearing a kilt to accept the Oscar won’t win me over.

9:01 – Les Mis clip just reminds me of how much more I loved the play than the film.

9:02 – Life of Pi was gorgeous. Not sure it was the best pic, but beautiful to watch.

Also how many movies did Reese Witherspoon introduce??

9:03 – Beasts of the Southern Wild will make me sob every time I see it. Phenomenal.

9:05 – Avengers Assemble! Best Cinematography goes to … Life of Pi, Claudio Miranda and his glorious mane.

9:09 – Ummm, Avengers? Stick to avenging. Best Visual Effects – Life of Pi

9:12 – That play off music would have been amazing had that speech not been about someone suffering financial difficulties. Thankfully it changed halfway through.

9:15 – Anniston looks amazing in red. Channing Tatum is adorably thick.

9:17 – Costume Design goes to… Jacqueline Durand for Anna Karenina. The movie itself was problematic, but the costumes, my god, the costumes.

9:19 – Makeup and Hairstyling goes to … Les Mis. Really? Reeeeeally? Cutting off someone’s hair doesn’t equal Oscar. I am underwhelmed.

9:21 – Time to settle in for a long drawn out tribute to Bond. I will care if Daniel Craig will come out in those short shorts.

9:25 – I have to sing Max Power to Goldfinger. It’s basically my job as a Simpsons fan.

9:32 – DJANGO! Presenting Live Action Shorts. Award goes to Curfew. Didn’t see the live shorts this year unfortunately. But I’m sure it’s good and worthy. Good speech. Honest, heartfelt. I like speeches like that.

Best Documentary Short Subject – Inocente. I don’t know anything about it, but really want to see it. It’s wonderful when a movie can make a difference in someone’s life.

9:37 – Liam Neeson, aka The Takener, presenting three more of the Best Pic nominees.

9:38 – I’m totally down with Argo winning Best Pic if it does. Even on second viewing I was tense and anxious watching it.

9:39 – Lincoln was good despite its director. An acting showcase for DDL, who probably is our greatest living actor.

9:40 – Just saw Zero Dark Thirty for the first time last night. So difficult to watch but such a great film. Jessica Chastain is a chameleon.

9:42 – Ben Affleck presents Best Documentary. Want to see all of these. Winner is Searching for Sugar Man.

9:48 – I realize I’m in the minority based on what I’m reading on the Interwebs, but I’m really enjoying Macfarlane as host. Compared to the shlock we got from Crystal last year or the crazy we got from Franco two years ago, he’s doing well.

9:50 – Jessica Chastain and Jennifer Garner present Best Foreign Film. It’s Amour right? Yes. It’s Amour.

9:52 – John Travolta makes me sad. That is all.

He’s intro’ing movie musicals. Yeah, I guess.

9:55 – CZJ is still fab.

9:57 – Sorry, I still don’t like Dreamgirls. Or Jennifer Hudson. I know that makes me a bad person, but that’s how I feel.

10:00 – OK Les Mis cast. I dare you to be better than you were in the movie.

It is weird to see them singing all dressed up. I miss the dirt. We are getting ensemble here than we did in the film.

I also miss Crowe’s jaunty hat. Best thing about his performance.

10:08 – Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana. I’d watch them sell me Priceline. But they should get their story straight. They played the Next Generation music.

10:10 – I loved Ted. Filthy, funny, and sweet.

Best Sound Mixing goes to Les Mis. Meh.

10:13 – Secret synagogue? I find funny even if a little anti-Semitic.

A tie for Sound Editing!!! — Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall.

10:19 – Chris Plummer is classy as always announcing Best Supporting Actress. Is it at all possible that Hathaway won’t win? And if she does, it is at all possible she won’t be super annoying?

And it’s Anne Hathaway. Please don’t annoy me. I like you. I really do. Please don’t make me hate you.

For the most part she did well. A little twee for me, but she didn’t pull too much of a Taylor Swift “ME?!?” face so that’s OK.

10:29 – President of the Academy talking about new Academy museum. I’d visit the hell out of that.

10:31 – Sandy Bullock is here to Blind Side us all.

Best Editing goes to…William Goldenberg for Argo. The editing in that film was very tight, kept the tension up.

10:34 – J. Law presenting Adele. Works for me. Adele has one hell of a voice. She makes it look so easy to sound so good.

10:42 – Nicole Kidman intro’ing the rest of the Best Pic nominees. Getting them done and done. I wish her forehead would move though. It’s just creepy.

Silver Linings Playbook was great, but not sure Best Picture Great. Some fab performances though.

Django Unchained is not for the faint of heart, but one hell of a ride.

Amour is a lovely and terribly sad look at the end of life. Unflinching.

10:47 – Dan Radcliffe and someone who can’t be troubled to emote whether acting or in real life.

Best Production Design and Set Design goes to Lincoln.

10:50 – Salma Hayek, attractive and somewhat understandishable. Talking about the Governors Awards. D. A. Pennebaker, George Stevens Jr., Hal Needham, and Jeffrey Katzenberg were winners.

10:57 – Clooney gives us the In Memoriam. We did lose a lot of talented people this year.

But dang…here comes Babs with “Memories”. Oy.

11:09 – Renee Zellweger’s face up close is horrifying. HORRIFYING.

Best Original Score goes to — Life of Pi, Mychael Danna. Phenomenal music.

Best Original Song goes to — (Scarlett Johannson can sorta sing) Skyfall. Duh. Seriously. Duh. And she’s crying. Adorable.

11:22 – Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron. He pulls out his Rainman to tell her she’s a good dancer. I bet she also drives the car well on the driveway.

Best Adapted Screenplay – Argo. Is this the beginning of the Argo coronation?

Best Original Screenplay – Django Unchained. Huzzah! Loved loved loved this movie.

11:32 – Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas presenting Best Director. That is one yellow dress. She looks good though. Douglas looks old as the hills. Winner is Ang Lee and Life of Pi. Take that Spielberg. Shows that you don’t need sappy sentimentality to win an award.

11:40 – Jean Dujardin presenting Best Actress. He is still so incredibly sexy and suave. Jennifer Lawrence fulfills Vegas’s bets. Also falls walking up the stairs.

11:45 – Needing no introduction, Meryl Streep. Also needing no introduction (I’m guessing) Daniel Day Lewis winning Best Actor.  Did she not open the envelope? Or just during the film montage? Who cares, DDL was brilliant. Three time Best Actor winner. That doesn’t happen to just anyone. Plus, he can be funny. And eloquent.

Let’s face it, DDL is the best.

11:51 – Really? Jack Nicholson is doing Best Picture? Ehhhhhh. Can we stop worshiping at this altar? Well, this is a change. Michelle Obama and her bangs are helping present Best Picture.

And the winner is….ARGO!

Cuz Hollywood loves movies about Hollywood. And it was great.

Ben Affleck gave a very sweet and touching speech. When he fell into tears at the end, it made me so much happier that he won.

12:01 – Kristen Chenowith and Seth Macfarlane are singing the show out with a tribute to the losers. I get it. They’re trying to do what Neil Patrick Harris does with the Tonys. It’s a bit less effective here.

So. We are done. I thought good show. Good host. OK with the winners.

And time to sleep.