10 Frequently Used Simpsons Quotes

As evidenced by the fact that my very first post on this blog was about The Simpsons, I clearly love that show. True, the love has waned in recent years, recent being the past decade, but I can’t deny the profound effect this television show has had on my life.

And it’s not like I could ever forget the show – even at times when I’d like to. My daily vocabulary is so peppered with Simpson-isms, I don’t even realize they’re there. This is beyond the gut reaction “D’oh!” that we all have from time to time, the ever present “meh”s, and any of Bart’s terrible “eat my shorts” or “don’t have a cow, man” bs. I’m talking about the quotes that require context to really make sense, quotes that might only make sense to other Simpsons fans, and sometimes not even that.

As I ponder going cold-turkey on new episodes (though let’s be honest, I’ll be watching every episode till the bitter end no matter how awful), I thought I would look back on ten out of context Simpsons quotes that pop into my brain on a regular basis.

Note: these quotes are in no particular order and yes, I do realize most of them are from Homer.

Now, when I say, “Hello, Mr. Thompson,” and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.

1. “I think he’s talking to you.”
(Cape Feare)
Thinking back, this entire episode is quote-worthy. Homer’s comment on Bart’s plan to trap Sideshow Bob “Ooh, a plan fiendishly clever in its intricacies!” or a juror’s comment during Sideshow Bob’s trial “No one who speaks German can be evil,” or Grandpa’s plaintive cry “I’m cold and there are wolves after me,” this is an episode  that keeps on giving. But “I think he’s talking to you,” said with the proper loud whisper is just so effective for conveying utter and ignorant stupidity it wins out.

2. “And here I am using my legs like a sucker!”
(The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons)
This quote also has a varient, “and here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.” The idea of Homer moving into the old folks home with Grandpa was absolutely inspired. It should not be at all surprising that uber-lazy Homer fit right in with people who had chairs to move them about, iron lungs to make them breathe, and liquid Lays potato chips so they don’t have to chew. This quote comes in handy any time I realize that I too have been doing something the hard way…just like a sucker.

3. “Woo hoo! Four day weekend!” (Lisa’s Rival)
From the episode that brought us Homer and his giant pile of sugar (“In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women”), we get the quote that I think I’ve probably said most often. This is one of the more popular quotes here. I feel as though this has actually taken a life outside of The Simpsons. But that doesn’t mean it’s still not an amazing exclamation of unexpected joy.

Why don’t you invent yourself some pants?

4. “Oh, that’s where you’re wrong Marge. He was a shameless self-promoter.”
(The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace)
Yet another episode that is absolutely quote-tastic. Homer’s dismay at wasting half his life, followed by Marge discovering him eating from a bag of flour (“I don’t deserve sugar”) sets up the brilliant plot of Homer as inventor. His obsession with Thomas Alva Edison is what might now be dubbed a “bromance” though I shudder to even type that word. When he goes to visit Bart at school because he can no longer go to the adult library due to some “unpleasantness”, their exchange about the Hardy Boys is spot on – Homer: And, these Hardy Boys books are great, too! This one’s about smugglers!
Bart: They’re all about smugglers.
Homer: No, not this one! “The Smugglers of Pirate Cove”. It’s about pirates.
But it’s the conversation Homer has in bed with Marge when he just cannot shut up about Edison that gets me every time. His tone of voice as he wags his fingers at her, showing off how much he knows about Edison is priceless and eminently quotable.

5. “That’s it. You people have stood in my way long enough. I’m going to clown college!” (Homer the Clown)
From the moment Homer stopped to read the new billboards, “Best in the West. Hee hee, that rhymes,” this episode became one of my favorites. So much of this episode is audio-visual, such as the family turning into clowns holding up ads for Krusty’s Clown College with the circus music in the background, I sometimes imagine whole scenes playing out in my head. Homer’s defiant declaration of his now lifelong desire to attend clown college has come up in conversation rather often. Not because I have declared my desire to go to clown college mind you, but because… Ok. It’s because I want to go to clown college.

Stick! Stick!

6. “No bowl. Stick! Stick!”
(The City of New York vs Homer Simpson)
I realize this is an odd choice from that episode that sees Homer battle the evils of New York City. But Homer’s entire conversation with the Khlav Kalash vendor is gold, beginning with his “Allllllmost…” as he uses a nearby stick to get him closer to the pizza shop across the street. Of course I too would be horrified at the thought of Mountain Dew and down can after can of crab juice. Whenever someone offers me a bowl of anything – ice cream, soup, khlav kalash – my brain immediately answers with the quote above.

7. “Is it about my cube?” (Homer the Smithers)
From Homer serving Mr. Burns breakfast to his imitating Mr. Burns’ mother, this episode is full of great Homer-isms. But it’s Mr. Burns quiet inquiry about his car-turned-cube that sticks in my head. I have made the mistake of asking people that very same question without even realizing it, and then having to backtrack and explain exactly what I mean. The other person just usually shakes their head at me, not quite sure what to make it.

8. “But ‘Football in the Groin’ has a football in the groin”/”It works on so many levels!” (A Star is Burns)
Ok, this is cheating but these two quotes always go hand in hand for me.
Need I say more than ‘football in the groin’?

9. “Don’t you hate pants?” (The Last Temptation of Krust)
Krusty has always been a sell-out. From the beginning Krusty has been that clown that makes you understand why some people are afraid of clowns – he’s not malevolent, but so utterly degenerate that you avoid being near him for fear of coming down with something itchy and uncomfortable. So seeing him become a George Carlin type stand up comic, burning money in defiance of the Man and the System was great. Of course Homer would misunderstand everything Krusty was getting at and just jump on the “burning stuff” bandwagon. The need to ask someone if they hate pants isn’t a frequent one, but anytime I’m in a crowd and people are yelling, I think of this old chestnut. But I don’t burn my pants. No matter how itchy they might be.

He really is everywhere you want to be

10. “Selma Jub-jub is fantastic. He’s everywhere you wanna be.”
(A Fish Called Selma)
Honestly, this quote is just all about the execution. Phil Hartman as Troy McClure was like lightening in bottle. His false enthusiasm about this disgusting reptile just oozes with everything that sums up McClure. This quote serves as the absolute perfect non-sequitur in any conversation. It’s even better when the other person knows that I’m referring to a lizard.

Last minute Runner-up:

“Why must life be so hard? Why I must fail at every attempt at masonry?” (Mom and Pop Art)
Nothing expresses my complete frustration with life as Homer’s cry about his failed attempts at masonry whilst attempting to build an outdoor grill. “Le grille? What the hell is that?” can be substituted here as well.

Anyone else have a Simpsons quote or quotes that pop up in everyday conversation, regardless of context?

About ilmozart

Pop culture addict. Reading enthusiast. Music lover. Occasional believer in the city of Atlantis.
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22 Responses to 10 Frequently Used Simpsons Quotes

  1. Wardegus says:

    Aaaaah, so many Simpsons quotes: Home versus the City of New York is hands down my favorite episode. “And then the chuds came” “Eeesh, I’ll have the crab juice.” “Chuck it out, you’re check-ing in!” I say “I am so smart! S-M-R-T!” on a weekly basis.

    • ilmozart says:

      It was originally a list of 5 and eventually I had to narrow it to 10. The show has a quote for every occasion in life really. I too love the “I am so smart” quote. Sometimes I do the little dance too though mostly on the inside.

  2. Amanda B. says:

    Another I say on a fairly regular basis: “I literally chewed the scenery.” – Homer from the Behind the Simpsons ep.

    • ilmozart says:

      Ha! I can hear him saying that…and see him saying that. Reminds me of when Homer imagined Bart as a ratboy chewing on the drywall, only to have that image fade into Bart…chewing on the drywall.

  3. Pingback: Reading Digest: The Content Low of High Summer Edition « Dead Homer Society

  4. Kello says:

    First off, this post makes me feel less alone in the universe, so thank you. Aside from constantly quoting numbers 9 and 10, here are some examples I can think of off of the top of my head:

    – Whenever I buy more instant tea to replenish my constant supply, I’m reminded of Barney’s “After this case, and the other case, there’s only one case left!” (Springfield Connection)
    – Sometimes while getting ready in the morning I’ll be reminded of Homer’s “Shaving my Shoulders” ditty. (Mom and Pop Art)
    – After years of working with kids, Superintendent Chlamer’s “It’s always the children’s fault, isn’t it Seymour?” has become an ever present question for my own self-assessment.

    • ilmozart says:

      Nothing like the internet to make you feel that your crazy obsession with a carton isn’t all that crazy in the end. I am delighted to know that there is someone else who uses the Jub-jub line. That made my day.
      I read your comment and immediately started singing the “Shaving my shoulders” song. I should do a post of repeatable quotes by secondary characters because there’s just too much to choose from.
      Oh — and purple is a fruit. That should have been the other runner up!

  5. mickey says:

    “You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.”

  6. Wardegus says:

    It seems that Thought Catalog ripped you off. http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/simpsons-quotes-in-order-of-awesomeness/

    And more quotes that I use frequently:

    Shake your fist angrily!

    Who wants a nice glass of turnip juice?

    He’s standing up like a little Rory Calhoun.

    • ilmozart says:

      Ah well…I guess I’m supposed to say that imitation is the highest form of flattery? Meh.

      And I frequently say (internally of course) “the person who’s always standing and walking”

  7. Shake harder, Boy! is my go-to impotent rage quote.

  8. Tyrel says:

    “I… don’t…. know.”

    Homer’s reply when asked what his first name was when trying to impersonate Mr. Burns at the post office.

  9. Bman says:

    So many classics:

    Bart: “Take him away boys.”
    Wiggum: “Hey I say that, bake him away toys.”
    Lou: “What Chief?”
    Wiggum: “Do what the kid said.”

    “Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare?!”

    Bart: Mr. Burns.
    Homer: It’s Curns you idiot!
    Marge: No it’s not.
    Homer: Oh, disregard.

    I’m just going to stop because I could fill an entire page if I wanted.

  10. Natbat says:

    It must be quite subjective because I’ve just read this and another’s article about this and only one I would use out of the two combined (“Stupid sexy Flanders”). I’d also add “worst. (insert noun). ever.”, “Hmm open faced club sandwich”, “Excellent”, “Thank you, come again!”, and “D’oh”, surely THAT has to be on the list!

  11. hdbailey says:

    I’m another who can find a Simpson’s quote about anything. Some of my favorites:
    “Must kill Moe. Whee!”
    “Oh look, it’s raining again” (from the Treehouse of Horrors where Homer changes the past – after Homer flees from a world with no donuts, it begins raining donuts).
    “Marge it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.”
    “From the mightiest Pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn’t enjoy a good sit.”

  12. jw says:

    I feel it’s every simpsons lover’s duty to say “Yoink” when taking something that isn’t yours.
    As it turns out this was said way more than I thought… I would have guessed maybe 3 times ever. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJh1hmmLLzw

    I used to think of the “shavin’ my shoulders” tune all the time, I’d forgotten about that.

    • ilmozart says:

      I say “yoink” in my head all the time. I have learned to keep my Simpsons auto-responses on the inside as most people just don’t get it.

  13. Christian says:

    ( Homer hits thumb with hammer) oh fudge that’s broken. (Steps on nail) fiddle dee dee that will require a tetnis shot. I’m not going to swear, but I am going to KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN!

    The Simpsons Season 3 episode:
    Bart The Lover

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